#MondayBlogs: (Totally Not Serious) Author Bio Generator

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I discovered this Totally Not Serious Author Bio Generator via Helen at Journey to Ambeth, and as I like a giggle I thought I’d have a go and share it for Rachel Thompson’s ,#MondayBlogs.

See if you’d like to try it out –  the more crazy and humorous the better! Her link is at the end of the post – so do visit her blog to congratulate her on coming up with this awesome idea. By the way I’m currently reading Helen’s book Oak and Mist and will be reviewing that soon, so do keep an eye out for that.

Just fill in the blanks!!!!!

(your name) was born (time, place) and grew up in (place, dimension etc) learning to (do something odd). They left (your birthplace) for (a far flung destination) where they (did something amazing). (your name) now lives in (somewhere fabulous and unusual) with their (living companions). When not writing bestselling novels, (your name) likes to (do some sort of unusual and creative hobby).

I kind of got a bit carried away with mine, it started off as a short paragraph and grew….. into a mini story… I really enjoyed this! This is about 90% true,  ha ha…… I had an unusual childhood!

My Funny Author Bio:

 

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Marjorie Mallon was born many moons ago in the Mount Alvernia Hospital in Singapore, otherwise known as The Lion City.  She grew up in a high rise heaven scraper in a mountainous court in Hong Kong.

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Her Far East stint was cut short by her crazy parents who decided that the relentless humidity, fabulous food, and endless parties were too much to bear.  They dragged her spotty soul to the frozen wasteland of Scotland. Kicking and screaming she left her exotic childhood and her much loved dog Topsy too. Relentless tears and a posh attaché briefcase made this girl a target for primary school bullies. In this new regime she was duty bound to master Scottish country dancing, haggis bashing, farting, bagpipe playing and a whole new Och Aye lingo. Some say that this Scottish coming of age convert heard tell of the root of all evil: the thing that lives in hiding beyond the ken of the kilted sporran!

As a teenager she travelled to many far flung destinations to visit her abacus wielding wayfarer dad Ronald. On one such occasion steel bands were playing Calypso music. A silver barracuda swam by. It viewed her snorkelling bikini clad body, longing to take a big bite. This began a pattern that has continued to this day. With dogs’ fangs replacing barracudas’ teeth, she returned to her mother’s birthplace, Kuching, otherwise known as cat city. Her friendly Malaysian relatives introduced her to a ferocious dog called Blackie who sniffed her frightened butt. She must have smelt pretty terrible -it was a scorcher of a day – poor Blackie whimpered and ran away! It didn’t end there……more animals became a feature of her adult life. Notably an angry female Orang-Utan chased her unfit ass out of the Malaysian jungle believing that she was a threat to her babies!

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She still monkeys about as much as possible, would love to own a cat, or a replacement Topsy but refuses to entertain any murderous dogs, knife wielding maniacs, or over-protective monkeys.

It’s rumoured that she lives in the calm punting Venice of Cambridge, with a six foot hunk of a Rock God husband, and two enchanted daughters. These youthful babes are often seen surfing the country park lake before the soul stealing trees awaken.

Of course after such an insane upbringing her author’s mind has taken complete and utter leave of its senses and she now lives in a fantasy world where her family and complete strangers pay her millions to write all day and every day. When she’s not writing bestselling novels, she likes to eat exotic delicacies while belly dancing, and surfs to the far reaches of the moon to keep her abs trim. To chill out she practises Tai Chi and Yoga on the crest of a wave. If the adventurous mood takes her she goes snorkelling with mermaids, or signs up for idyllic holidays with Ch’i lin (or K’i lin), the Chinese Unicorn. This mythical creature radiates a myriad of extraordinary colours, and has a voice that sings like a thousand wind chimes.

She is a child of the light and the dark. Her motto is simply this: Do what you love,  stay true to your heart’s desires, remain as young at heart as you can – and  inspire others to do so too, even if it appears that the odds are stacked like black hearted shadows against you…

 

I loved writing this!!! It was such fun……Do have a go and don’t forget to link it back to Helen’s original post:   Helen’s Link 

Can you guess what’s true and what I’ve made up or embellished?

Bye for now,

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Marje @ Kyrosmagica xx

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About Marje @ Kyrosmagica

Hi. Welcome to my blog, Kyrosmagica. A blog about magic, books, writing, laughter, and much more! I'm a debut writer in the process of finishing my first YA fantasy novel, set in Cambridge. I write book reviews on Net Galley and Goodreads. I have a penchant for travel and have relatives in far flung places, Australia, Malaysia, and Singapore, (my birthplace.) I grew up in in Bonnie Scotland, in Edinburgh, and now live in Cambridge. I love sunny, hot places, particularly Rome, Venice, Portugal, Barcelona, and I forgot to mention the sun drenched beaches of the Caribbean, how could I? I am lucky to have been blessed with two lovely daughters and a husband who I fondly refer to in this blog as my black sheep. Family joke! With my passion for travel, culture, beautiful beaches, good food, books, theatre, writing, and humour, I hope to keep you entertained. I'm loving every minute of this creative journey, please join me.
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20 Responses to #MondayBlogs: (Totally Not Serious) Author Bio Generator

  1. Terry Tyler says:

    Ha ha, very good! Seriously, I think with an author bio it’s best to keep it brief and not show off too much. Like, mention any awards, but don’t say enough to make people think ‘well, if your life’s that fantastic, you don’t need my £2.99 for your book’!!!

    Mine is completely honest – am I a rarity??!! I read one the other day, in which the author claimed to have an honours degree, a background in journalism, and all sorts of stuff published. I read her debut novel; she couldn’t even punctuate. I suspect the bio might have been fabricated. It has never occurred to me to do this; perhaps I ought to!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. PorterGirl says:

    Writing a bio is a hundred times worse than writing even the most epic of novels. *sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Al Lane says:

    I love this! And I definitely picture you practising tai chi and yoga on the crest of a wave 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Helen Jones says:

    Your bio is excellent! You’ve truly embraced the idea of an over-the-top author bio ;-D And I love how you’ve mixed some truth in with it as well.
    Thanks so much for the link and shout out – hoping to see you on the 11th?
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Annika Perry says:

    Marje, I think this should be your official one!! So often bios are so serious and officious – this is fun whilst still telling us lots about yourself. Well, maybe without the embellishments…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Well, that was great fun, Marje. Had me in tears, but pleased to say they were tears of laughter.
    I read Helen’s post and it reminded me of something that Chris Graham published a while back where you inserted words and out popped a rather bizarre short story. Mine was all about an iPad and Cadbury Creme Eggs. It gets hits just about everyday and I’ve no idea why.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. inesephoto says:

    Love your bio, Marje! Laughed to tears 🙂 Great motto too.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It all sounds pretty credible to me, Marje. Especially the unicorns and mermaids.

    Depending on the kind of fiction you write, this kind of thing (slightly cut down) could work really well. But perhaps I’d better read that MS before I commit to that!

    Like

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